‘’A woman’s spiritual transformation from a caterpillar to a butterfly; magical moments happen when she chooses to love herself first.’’
When I was graced with this amazing opportunity to write this article, I was super excited and one-hundred-and-one thoughts whizzed through my very empty brain. After I had committed, and the standing ovation and applause had receded, I was left with pure flat line and the feeling of dread: “I can’t do this”, “I’m no writer” “how can I possibly condense my whole life into this one article”, “it’s too cold to write, I’ll wait till next season when nature sets the correct scene” and so the thoughts went on and on for a month!
Now I find myself pounding the park lane in deep meditation mode asking the Divine to write this article for me as I am completely useless and afraid to show up. Old negative thoughts start creeping and I catch myself thinking, what am I doing… you mustn’t revisit the past Panna, you’ve already been there done that and got the t-shirt. I take a few deep breaths and walk in the stillness when I hear “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” whispered inside my ears. I wait a few moments while the neurons start firing in my brain and I smile. I am transported back to my childhood, reading my all-time favourite book called The Very Hungry Caterpillar. I didn’t realize then that, that book would be the biggest metaphor for my life to date.
Change is inevitable in life. In fact, it is the only constant in this world. It is HOW we adapt to change which sets each of us apart, defines who we are and how we live our lives. As humans we have this excessive need to consume more and more. As we go, we destroy, leaving what is left lying around in the hope that we will ‘evolve’ and become better. All because we are not happy with who we are now. The over-arching layer of how we, as humans, are destroying and not fully using the re – sources that keep us alive is deeply moving. The story is beautiful and a masterpiece and so is my life, flaws and all.
As a child, I was an enthusiastic passionate eater. Loved food, all kinds – bar the healthy stuff. Chubby child with a bubbly personality, who was insecure, painfully shy, vulnerable, and never quite fitted in.
I am an identical twin so that was a constant reminder for us both that we weren’t classically beautiful, and we were going to have to work a lot harder than the average Joe to get by in life. The education process was painful. School was a glorified babysitting ground and a place where parents threw their kids in with great hope they would come out with a first-class degree, without any nurturing or guidance in the process. But don’t you worry, we were armed with a killer personality, creative vibes, abundant in positivity, banter and laughter to last several lifetimes. We were each other’s sidekicks and to this day I am truly grateful that my beautiful sister was there through all the growing pains and battling through the “never being good enough” phase, which by the way followed me heavily into my adult life.