A WOMAN WITH A VOICE
I was born and brought up in a happy lively middle-class family, since birth I have been raised like an independent girl, top in my school, always participated in all the extra-curricular activities, sports and awarded many times. Since 6th class, I used to go by local train to school, as there was no bus facility on my route from the school. My school principle and my teachers were always proud of me for being an all-rounder. Apr2004, I got married to a normal well settled family. Nobody imagined the horror of how it would turn my life upside down. It turned out to be an abusive marriage with lot of doubts, domestic violence, mental harassment, rigidness, toxicity.
I became a victim of rigid family rules where the woman has no right to say and is not valued at all. I came from a completely different background where I had the authority to speak and to express my emotions. Days passed on, years gone. I was only made to feel like good for nothing, I always used to be called as a failure in my life. I don’t know anything, I can’t handle home…I am a full-time working lady who was working professionally as well as at home, after coming back from office.
Being an Indian woman, brought up traditionally, I accepted it as a part of marital adjustment. I came back many times to my parent’s house in 15 years but again went back after 1-2 months, but the courage was not there in me to take any steps.
Over the years my 2 children were born, my elder boy who is 15 years now, was brain washed completely and he turned against me. My second child who is a girl of 9 years now, was born with cerebral palsy (intra ventricular brain-haemorrhage) born with 100% disability, doctors handed me a certificate and said that she can’t recover ever. This shook me so much, I went into depression, suffered severe hormonal imbalances, thyroid, hernia besides mental trauma. My weight got increased to 90kg due to imbalance in hormones.
Yet, I had to handle my daughter all alone as no support came in my way, instead the taunts and blame that my daughter is born this way because of me, as I had been careless in my pregnancy. I got many sleepless nights, the rare days I got sleep and it ended in nightmares.